How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About His Low Libido
“Not tonight, honey,” He says. A low libido isn’t just something that plagues women.
Though popular culture tells us otherwise, men are just as likely as women to be the ones without any desire to get it on.
Read on for our top tips for how to talk to your boyfriend about his low sex drive.
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Why Your Boyfriend Has No Sex Drive
There are many factors that can contribute to your boyfriend or husband’s low libido, such as stress, sleep deprivation, dehydration, body image issues, and imbalanced hormones. There’s also the possibility that your partner has performance anxiety. He may rather opt out of sex than risk not being able to astound you with his sexual prowess.
Psychological and physiological factors can impact your guy’s sex drive. Most of these aren’t going to be fixed by you slipping into sexy lingerie.
So, what’s a girl to do when her man just isn’t wanting sex? First of all, understand that it is not your fault but that you can help him find solutions for the problem.
The first thing you must do is learn how to talk to your boyfriend about this delicate subject.
How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About His Low Libido
The most important thing when you talk to your boyfriend about delicate subjects is to be sure you approach it with the right intentions.
You want to make sure he feels that you care about your relationship enough to bring it up.
If you are already in a good place of communication, that’s great.
As with most aspects of a relationship, discussing a mismatched libido requires empathy and understanding.
The good news is that talking about these things in your relationship can help you both have a deeper connection and a stronger sense of intimacy. As a team, you will be able to create problem-solving strategies.
Here are some dos and don’ts for having this delicate conversation.
Dos and Don’t for How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About His Libido
Never frame it as “his” problem or in a way that would make him think it is his fault or you are disappointed in him. Empathy and a sincere desire to work together is key.
Never start with an accusatory statement like, “you never want sex anymore.” Instead, focus on the two of you as a team. After all, in a committed relationship, sex is something between both of you. Sexual health is never anyone’s fault, so keep that in mind as you discuss libido with your partner.
Be sure to use “I” sentences instead of “you” ones. Start off by saying something like, “I feel like we’re not having sex as much as we used to.”
Also, you don’t only have to make it all about sex. If you have noticed non-sexual symptoms lately, bring those up. Things like insomnia, stress, hair loss and so on can help bridge the conversation.
Don’t go for dramatic statements like, “you don’t love me” or “you don’t find me attractive anymore.” These types of phrases can shut down a discussion very quickly and make your guy dig his heels in.
Do have some materials handy as a resource. You might have an article about low testosterone or the effects of stress to help you have a leg to stand on.
Then, you can both turn to the next step of identifying the source of the problem.
Get to Root Cause of the Issue
When it comes to sex drive, there could be a lot of different factors at play. There may not be one specific cause. Instead, there may be multiple issues at work.
Ideally, people with decreased libido should explore their mental and physical health. Looking at the current state of your relationship is also helpful.
Review medications and recent life changes and stress levels. You may find going to the doctor can be useful.
Your doctor may do bloodwork to check your hormone levels. This will let you know if hormone imbalances are an issue.
Low Sex Drive Solutions
Low libido is not a lifetime sentence. Once you have uncovered the root cause, you and your partner (perhaps with the help of medical professionals) will be able to find solutions.
For low testosterone or other issues with hormones, you may be prescribed medication. Read here to understand more about the medication available.
You might want to reach out to a professional sex therapist or coach if the issues are psychological, such as performance anxiety. Often, low libido in one partner signals that there is a problem in the relationship. You might be surprised to learn that your boyfriend is feeling a lack of intimacy and emotional connection.
If the problem has to do with lack of sleep or feeling very stressed, make a plan for how to tackle those issues as soon as possible. Remember, insufficient sleep and stress can result in serious health concerns for your body.
You might find taking up meditation or doing some stretches before bed may help. Be sure to keep screens out of the bedroom as they can interfere with sleep.
Set an alarm for 30 minutes prior to when you want to go to sleep. Use that time to dim the lights, put away work and electronics and focus on taking that time to unwind from your day.
Thanks for reading. We hope this article has given you the tools and advice you need to understand how to talk to your boyfriend about his libido.
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